Monday, January 31, 2011

New Outlook

     This weekend, in a word, was horrible.  I was drowning in a pool of self-pity.  I had been sick for days, and felt completely isolated from the world.  I felt so so lonely.  There were many tears, and a lot of moping.  As I'm sure my mother would attest, when I get into that mode, it is hard to get me out of it!  I felt so horrible, I'm not sure I would have gotten anything done, the entire weekend.  My roommate Jennifer's fiance, Seth, came over on Friday to spend the weekend.  It made me miss Jake so badly! So, I decided to take control of my life, and I drove to Durham.  I didn't tell Jake I was coming, I just showed up on his doorstep with a handful of balloons (to celebrate his birthday).  It was awesome!  I ended up leaving this morning at about 5:30, and got here 45 minutes early for class!  It was the best weekend, I actually got stuff that I needed to done, and I would do it again.  It was so nice driving back this morning!  Watching the sky light up as the sun rose, it was so relaxing.  Going to Durham this weekend was the best thing I could have done...instead of moping the entire weekend, I felt happy and productive!  A completely new outlook this week!
     I get a lot of comments like "well I hope you're not planning on driving back every weekend" and "I hope that you can stay focused being away from Jake."  These comments are ridiculous!  Of course I am not planning on driving back every weekend!  It is hard being away from Jake.  We have spent every day together, almost, for the past year.  We speak every day, and we spend a lot of time together.  It is awfully hard to quit cold turkey.  I understand that it will happen when he leaves for boot camp, but as for now, if I have the ability to see him, and I want to...then I don't see the problem with that.  What would YOU do?  And yes, it is quite distracting being away from him...but that's not going to stop me from going to school, and there's nothing to be done about it.  I should not have to feel defensive about being with someone who makes me feel happy, and who genuinely loves me.  Yet, I do, because I do get the sense that there is some disapproval...especially when it comes to me coming home to see him.  Again, if someone was in my position, what would they do differently?

     ANYWAYS!  Glad to be back in class. I was almost giddy this morning...strange because I don't like school in some ways, but in others, I do.  It's nice to be back.

1 comment:

  1. What a nice surprise for Jake!

    I got comments like that ALL THE TIME when Ash and I were in a long distance relationship. And when I actually dropped out of school and moved to Charleston to be with him... well I was pretty much treated like I decided stripping was my true calling. Seriously, if you ever act out of anything but pure selfishness, people get nervous, because it challenges their own selfish choices. People can't imagine prioritizing love over your own life (and that's why our divorce rate is 50%), especially because for most people, relationships don't work out and they have taught their heart to be guarded and selfish to protect themselves. Yes, your grades might suffer because you miss Jake... but guess which one is ultimately WAY more important?