This weekend, in a word, was horrible. I was drowning in a pool of self-pity. I had been sick for days, and felt completely isolated from the world. I felt so so lonely. There were many tears, and a lot of moping. As I'm sure my mother would attest, when I get into that mode, it is hard to get me out of it! I felt so horrible, I'm not sure I would have gotten anything done, the entire weekend. My roommate Jennifer's fiance, Seth, came over on Friday to spend the weekend. It made me miss Jake so badly! So, I decided to take control of my life, and I drove to Durham. I didn't tell Jake I was coming, I just showed up on his doorstep with a handful of balloons (to celebrate his birthday). It was awesome! I ended up leaving this morning at about 5:30, and got here 45 minutes early for class! It was the best weekend, I actually got stuff that I needed to done, and I would do it again. It was so nice driving back this morning! Watching the sky light up as the sun rose, it was so relaxing. Going to Durham this weekend was the best thing I could have done...instead of moping the entire weekend, I felt happy and productive! A completely new outlook this week!
I get a lot of comments like "well I hope you're not planning on driving back every weekend" and "I hope that you can stay focused being away from Jake." These comments are ridiculous! Of course I am not planning on driving back every weekend! It is hard being away from Jake. We have spent every day together, almost, for the past year. We speak every day, and we spend a lot of time together. It is awfully hard to quit cold turkey. I understand that it will happen when he leaves for boot camp, but as for now, if I have the ability to see him, and I want to...then I don't see the problem with that. What would YOU do? And yes, it is quite distracting being away from him...but that's not going to stop me from going to school, and there's nothing to be done about it. I should not have to feel defensive about being with someone who makes me feel happy, and who genuinely loves me. Yet, I do, because I do get the sense that there is some disapproval...especially when it comes to me coming home to see him. Again, if someone was in my position, what would they do differently?
ANYWAYS! Glad to be back in class. I was almost giddy this morning...strange because I don't like school in some ways, but in others, I do. It's nice to be back.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Jake let me take his wii to college. He's leaving in less than 2 months, and he never used it anymore, so it wasn't a huge inconvenience to him. Which makes me very happy, because now I can stream Netflix to my t.v! That makes me feel like I'm getting my moneys' worth! I like nothing better than getting my moneys worth.
Since I have been sick and bed-bound, and am still sick, and bed-bound, this is a great improvement. I am currently watching Notting Hill, which I had seen a few years back and not really liked it all that much. But since I love Hugh Grant SO much, I decided to give it another try. So far, it's okay, but I'm not too impressed with Julia Roberts' performance. But I am loving that I can stream a movie that I don't own onto my very own television. I can't stay in bed all day, since I do need to do some more of my practice book for the TEAS test (test of essential academic skills) which I am taking next Thursday. I also need to finish my copious amounts of STAT homework. I honestly don't know how some people major in that stuff.
When I watch the food network, I get all these images of myself as a food star. I imagine myself in a kitchen, cooking awesome food and having people watch me on television. Alas, I certainly am no food star. I could go to school to learn how to be a chef...but that doesn't really seem like something I want to do. I still keep an inner stream of dialogue up while I'm cooking, pretending that I know what I'm doing. I think that's probably good enough for me.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I started feeling sick on Monday night. Not unusual, I tend to feel sick on a regular basis, thanks to the combination of my thyroid disease and fibromyalgia mixed with some weird food intolerances. Unfortunately, it only got worse as the week went on, and so I reluctantly went to the doctor today. Turns out I've got Bronchitis and have to be put on antibiotics (which I don't mind at all! I want to be better, it's just kind of a pain). I have the worst immune system ever. Let me repeat: I HAVE THE WORST IMMUNE SYSTEM EVER! Everything that comes around, I get it! This is most displeasing.
I'm also the worst whiner in the world.
I'm also the worst whiner in the world.