Lab Report

Let me just say this: LAB REPORTS CAN GO TO HELL.

the end.

Breakthrough

I have finally had a breakthrough in what I want to do with my life! I have been thinking and thinking recently about what I should major in, what I like, what I want out of my life.  It has all been very confusing, and since I have been so focused on the nursing, and getting into nursing school, I havn't paid much attention at all to what I actually LIKE.  I've just been putting up with all the science (which I don't like) to get into nursing school!  Anyways, back to my breakthrough.  Today I was watching 19 Kids and Counting (a truly fascinating show), and one of the girls, Jill, was studying to be a midwife.  I became so jealous of her and realized how much I still want to be involved with pregnant women, and with birth.

I started doing some research online, and found information on being a Doula.  They are active birth coaches, and work for midwives, and they still get paid (although not nearly as much as the midwife).  I don't think that being a Doula alone will be enough money, but I have always been interested in massage.  I want to go to massage therapy school, become a massage therapist, and incorporate being a Doula with being a massage therapist!  Perhaps I could work as a massage therapist, and then be a Doula on the side, or something.  I would really like to specialize in prenatal massage, I think that would be amazing!

After all of the confusion and wondering, it feels really good to sort of realize what it is that I really am interested in, and am drawn to.  I have looked into massage therapy before, and pairing it with pregnant women feels right! I feel happy.

Midwest Bound

Tomorrow we are flying to Indiana for spring break.  I am very excited.  I am leaving immediately after the Microbiology test, and driving straight home.  I still need to pack.

On a slightly different note, I hate Microbiology with a burning passion.  It's stressful, there is a bunch of crap to learn - that I don't give a rat's ass about, and it's got the longest lab in the history of the world.  I don't feel prepared for my test (I didn't last time, either) and it's got my mind up a tree.

March March March March

Today is the first day of March.  This is the month that my Jake is leaving, and as happy as I am for him, I am also so sad!  I don't want him to leave, I want to keep him with me!  I am getting excited about writing letters again, I wrote one the other day to try and get my hand used to it again.  I also bought stamps for the first time from the post office, and I got these really really pretty ones!  They're pansies, and they say LOVE on them.  

I really love them.  They make me want to send letters every day, which I will be doing, starting in exactly 3 weeks.  

Spring Break is next week, but I'm leaving this Thursday after my Microbiology exam.  I can hardly stand it...I am so tired of school!  Spring semester always feels like it drags on for forever!

On a different note...either the dryer or perhaps the Borrowers are taking my socks.  I have lost almost all of them, and I used to have a ton.  Do dryers eat socks?  How is it possible for them to get lost in between going into the washer and coming out of the dryer?  Is there some sort of conspiracy theory?  Either way, I need more socks.  

California Dreamin'

How crazy is it that I want to go to school in California so I can be with Jake while he's in Tech school? Living in Monterey would be amazing.  I can't help but think that I probably won't get much support backing me up on this crazy scheme....but I can't help but try and figure out a way that I could manage to do it.  It will most likely all come to nothing.

Master of Avoidance.

Well, I have been avoiding blogging for what feels like forever.  If I am writing my thoughts down, then it feels like I should be honest, and I've just been wanting to avoid all of my thoughts recently.

I had a change of heart. A self-realization.  We think that we can do anything, grow up to be anything that we want, and sometimes that is just not reality.  I cannot grow up to be whatever I want.  I have limitations.  Figuring that out is kind of unnerving.  As children, the philosophy that we can do whatever we want with our lives is ground into us, it's a truth spoken by every adult.  They don't tell you that sometimes you have crazy neuroses that make some paths impossible. Apparently I come by those neuroses honestly.  My grandmother that I didn't know suffered from many of these crazy afflictions...I seem to have inherited some.  While I don't want it to inhibit my life like they did hers, I understand how it would be really easy to just slip into living my life like that.

So, now, the girl who loves having a plan and a path is plan-less. path-less. I don't know what I want to do with my life and that is really unnerving!  I feel like I've lost myself and that I'm drifting, but that's so hard to imagine, because I've always felt like I've known exactly who I am.  Everything feels so overwhelming. I find myself having trouble caring about things that I usually do (like school).  I know that I need to make a call to the therapy people at school, and have someone help me work it out, but I keep putting it off.  Whenever I think about school, I think, what's the point?  What if I decide that I want to be something, and then just change my mind again? What then?

I feel confused.  People keep telling me that school is for learning and having fun, but for me it is the means to an end.  I am using school as a stepping stone to get to my career.  If I don't know the end, how do I deal with the means?

Paper Chains

I think that probably the only people who read this blog (if anyone does) are the people who already know me.  For the people who already know me, this goes without saying, but I will say it anyways.  I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN THE SUPER BOWL. I really don't understand organized sports in general, especially since it always seems to surround people trying to get a ball, of all things.  It just seems silly.  Anyways, it's a good thing that I have no interest in the Super Bowl, because it means that I can get other things done while the rest of the country has had to plan their weekend accordingly, knowing that they will have to block out most of Sunday night. I studied for my first Nutrition exam, which is tomorrow morning, and I also spent time studying a little bit for Microbiology (in which I have an exam on Tuesday morning).  It feels good to be productive. I also did something else (which is way more fun)....

You all should really know something about me...I rock at paper chains!  I have been making paper chains for as long as I can remember.  Every time I got excited about something, be it Christmas, my birthday, a party, or Easter, I would make a paper chain to count down to it.  I would color code my chains to signify a holiday (red and green for christmas, pastels for easter, etc.) and it was totally awesome.  Occasionally I still whip out a paper chain if I'm feeling good about something.  Tonight I made a paper chain counting down to the end of the semester! 4 weeks down, 12 to go. 

This is a picture of my fabulous paper chain, made with sparkly, shiny turquoise and lavender paper.  It's beautiful!  I know the colors are hard to see on the picture, but it totally looks rad. The colors are nice and springy, just like I hope the weather will be (and soon). 

It's been kind of a stressful time for me, since I decided that the Nursing won't be for me.  I still love pregnant women, and would still like to be involved in birth (maybe as a Doula?). Anywho, I am the type of person who LOVES  a plan, and it's been stressful not having one! The paper chain therapy works.  Crafting is a big stress reliever.